When life is unstable in the material (and let's face it, it's always been a mystery), I create stability through commitment and discipline in my own life. Here's the Values, Practices and Shadow Work that I live by. Admittedly, I don't always hit the bullseye, but I do keep my aim.
Values:
These are the guiding lights of my life, pulling me into infinitely growing integrity, connection, and love.
Practice:
These are the practices that keep me connected to my values in an embodied way.
Shadow Work:
These are slippery-slopes of life that I must pay special attention to, and monitor with great care. In the past, I have made hard rules to follow, but ultimately my rebellious spirit fought back, causing a recurring pattern of deprivation, deviation, and punishment. Now, rather than self-imposing arbitrary restrictions, I lovingly monitor myself with strength and compassion. I admit that I still stumble in these areas sometimes. For that I am grateful to have loving friends and family who help me stay aligned with my values to the best of my ability. We hold each other accountable by being honest about how we are impacted by each other’s actions.
Values:
These are the guiding lights of my life, pulling me into infinitely growing integrity, connection, and love.
- Gratitude/Trust: I commit to the silver lining, which means discovering the gifts of circumstance and knowing that every moment is a present. Indeed, none of us can control what comes into and out of our lives but we can receive what life hands us with the question: how is this a gift? Appreciation is our greatest source of connection, joy, and love. It makes the world go round.
- Creativity: When life hands me lemons, I’m committed to making something delicious with them. If not lemonade, then why not dried lemon rings to preserve the sour for the sweet season? Life hands us everything we need to survive and thrive. I am committed to using my creativity to discover how perfectly I have been provided for.
- Inter-Connection, Care & Gifting: I value the ecosystem of life and take responsibility for my place in it. This means that I’m committed to cultivating and freely sharing the gifts I have been given. I recognize my limitations and care for everything that supports me to the best of my ability.
- Vulnerability & Courage: As life calls forth my gifts, I am often challenged to my core. I am committed to the honesty and vulnerability that builds my integrity and gives me courage in the face of life’s hardest lessons.
Practice:
These are the practices that keep me connected to my values in an embodied way.
- Living Mirror Creative Practice of Peace: I notice where I’m triggered and inspired as opportunities to recognize and integrate hidden parts of myself. By reading the poetry that is made by knowing nature as part of me, I turn to the Earth as a guide. I make art of what I see in my reflection. Every week I share my art with a private practice group.
- Exercise: I like to get my heart-rate going for at least 30 minutes. This keeps both my body and my mind strong and clear.
- Silence: I practice silent meditation for at least 20 minutes on the daily (except when I don't).
- Rest: I love my mid-day rests where I get to stop for a while to stretch, meditate, self-massage, or nap. I aim for at least 7 hours of sleep every night but its not uncommon for me to stay up late into the, evening making love to the dream.
Shadow Work:
These are slippery-slopes of life that I must pay special attention to, and monitor with great care. In the past, I have made hard rules to follow, but ultimately my rebellious spirit fought back, causing a recurring pattern of deprivation, deviation, and punishment. Now, rather than self-imposing arbitrary restrictions, I lovingly monitor myself with strength and compassion. I admit that I still stumble in these areas sometimes. For that I am grateful to have loving friends and family who help me stay aligned with my values to the best of my ability. We hold each other accountable by being honest about how we are impacted by each other’s actions.
- Judgement: As a recovering perfectionist, I have to be careful of where I can be righteously judgemental of others. I must take into consideration the fact that people express their values differently than me, and not everyone has the life circumstances (or beliefs) that allow them to live by the standards that I hold myself to (indeed, even I fall short of my own expectations at times). Furthermore, I must remember that everyone has a unique contribution that only they can bring to the world and that’s based on both their strengths and weaknesses. I must take care not to judge others on whether or not they can do what I can do, but instead seek to discover how our strengths and weaknesses work together. I must trust people (and myself) in our unique paths of evolving, in our own timing.
- Fear: Having been programmed by the media, I have learned to fear so much of my world. That fear can trick me into acting outside of my values. On the human level, I must notice when fear arises due to someone’s physical appearance/condition, religion, nationality, political orientation, or any other identifier that might make me think that I know them better than I do. On a physiological level, I must be in a regular relationship with death and discomfort so that my integrity cannot be manipulated.
- Addiction & Overindulgence: As addiction is a tap-root to the capitalist system that raised me, I must take great care regarding a tendency to attach myself to pleasurable experiences at the expense of my own wellbeing, the wellbeing of others, and the wellbeing of the planet. This includes closely monitoring addictions to: food, sex, adrenaline, mind/mood-altering substances, media, petroleum and more.
- Impatience & Overwhelm: In a society that places immeasurable importance on production, I have been susceptible to cutting very important corners in the name of producing greater quantity at rapidly increasing speeds. The corners that I have cut have always backfired on me, my beloveds, my community at-large, and the planet. I must only take responsibility for what I can follow-through with on an organic time-line. Some of these cut-corners are systemic: the overuse of petroleum, for example, offers us conveniences that allow us to focus less on the fundamentals of life and more on production and pleasure. But, are the byproducts of pollution, deforestation, and trash worth it?
- Hoarding/Greed/Neglect: Though this category could also fall under the umbrella of fear, it merits its own recognition as it is so prevalent in mainstream American culture. The fear that I will not be provided for in the future has caused me to hold on to (and take) more than I actually need. Often I have been unable to care for (or use) all that I have taken, wasting resources that could be used by folks that really need it, or neglecting that which goes beyond my capacity to truly care for. Like a garden that has been given too much compost, having too much of anything actually stunts our growth. For this reason, it is important that I take constant inventory of what I am actually using, what I actually need, and what I can let go of for the benefit of others.
- Competition/Envy/Jealousy: In capitalism, we are taught to compete for the prize, rather than to cooperate in the name of the greatest good for all. Though friendly competition can encourage innovation, it can also destroy it by pitting natural allies against each other. I must take care not to unconsciously compete with people who are working towards the same goals as me, or who are using similar tools as me. If I must compare, I must seek to celebrate our differences rather than place them on a hierarchy of better or worse.
- Hyper-Independence: As the modern world was founded on a definition of freedom that is rooted in independence from each other and the natural world, I must monitor where I too have been lost in these illusions. Experience and ecology have proven it: nothing can exist in isolation. The pride of hyper-independence is rooted in the fear of counting on something that might let me down. I must continue to practice trust in others, the environment, and in the natural unfolding of life so that I don't fall into the overwhelming trap of independence (as it makes me ultimately flaky, unreliable, and a bit of a cheater).
- Vanity & People-Pleasing: In a society of happy selfies, airbrushing, plastic surgery, and unreasonably priced hand-bags, I must be careful not to perpetuate the illusion that it is possible to erase our flaws. I must be in regular practice of confession, and The Art of Exposure, in which I prioritize authenticity and wholeness over a manipulated self-image that traps me, and others, into impossible standards, all while ignoring important boundaries.
- Exploitation & Personal Gain: Though this could also go under the umbrella of greed, it merits its own recognition as I am aware of a tendency to be given something and try to get more out of it, thus depleting its power (rather than treasuring it and sharing it). Whether it’s physical or spiritual resources, it’s important for me to be careful about a bottomless hunger for more through manipulation and exploitation.